Frozen Shoulder

 As you get older you get to learn about a new load of medical problems. Raynaud's, Dupuytren's, Chilblanes, Halux Rigidus ...

One of the funniest ones is frozen shoulder. You won't remember doing it, but if you're a bloke you bought one bingo square to win an absolutely terrible prize. Women win it much less often. If your square comes up it'll be between the ages of 45 and 55, you are absolutely crippled for the best part of a year, but you get no sympathy and no adjustments are made to accommodate you.

It starts off with a slightly stiff arm, you think you strained it or slept awkwardly. Instead of getting better it gets worse week after week after week until you're in constant low grade pain. One of your arms is weak, stiff, painful to use, and there is absolutely no way you can lift it higher than your chest.

At some stage you'll seek medical attention, or you'll talk to somebody with intimate knowledge of frozen shoulder. They'll explain just how bad it's going to get (very very bad) and just how long it's going to take. If you're in the peak of good health it takes 9 months: 3 months freezing, 3 months frozen, 3 months thawing. It very often takes a year. During the worst 3 months you'll be pretty much incapacitated.

The best bit is that so many people have had it, and not one of them got any help, that you'll be treated exactly the same. Can't dress yourself? Tough luck! I'm sure you'll figure something out - maybe you can lay your shirt out on the bed and squirm into it, or hook it on using an umbrella handle. Can't use the gears or handbrake in your car? That sounds like a you-problem, nobody's going to drive you around. Disturbed sleep? yeah so was mine.

I expect you're thinking one of two things: 1) This affliction can't be THIS common and THIS debilitating. It is, and it is, and you just have to deal with it. 2) Oh yeah I remember that, I managed.

I found out what was wrong with me from a physio and was horrified at how bad it was, how little I could do, and how long it was going to take. I told my brother about it in hyperbolic terms. He said, matter of factly "Oh yeah, I had that, it took a year" and it was clear that I was going through nothing special and that no more sympathy or advice was coming.

On the plus side, you can suffer with it at most twice, and if you get to 55, you're probably safe.

Richard "Don't Complain, Don't Skip the Exercises" B