Thursday 31 December 2009

2009 lottery emails omnibus

Each week I send an email to members of the lottery syndicate. I sometimes include a joke or observation, and I usually assign myself a joke middle name. These are my names from 2009:

Mon 05/01/2009
Richard "Get back to work" B

Mon 12/01/2009
Richard "My turn to win next" B

Mon 19/01/2009
A week when I had a slight cough
Richard "pleurisy" B

Mon 26/01/2009
Richard "monotony" B

Mon 02/02/2009
Richard "frosty the snowman" B

Mon 09/02/2009
Richard "still waiting" B

Mon 16/02/2009
Richard "February 14th - invariably a disappointment" B

Mon 23/02/2009
Richard "We have a winner" B

Mon 02/03/2009
The week after Date Report 4 was written
Richard "crash-and-burn" B

Mon 09/03/2009
One of the Barbie Doll's milestone birthdays
Richard "15.3 years younger than barbie" B

Mon 16/03/2009
Richard "Show me the cakes" B

Tue 17/03/2009
Richard "Life's a Lottery" B

Mon 23/03/2009
Richard "We'll win next week" B

Mon 30/03/2009
A week when one of our members should have won, but wasn't paid up
Richard "you know the rules" B

Mon 06/04/2009
The week I was invited to join a Grand National sweepstake
Richard "500 to 1" B

Tue 14/04/2009
Richard "Post Bank-Holiday Stress Disorder" B

Mon 20/04/2009
Richard "Come and see me play on Friday" B

Mon 27/04/2009
Richard "only just watched 'The Godfather' for the first time" B

Tue 05/05/2009
After having watched 'The Godfather II'
Richard "3 hours 20 is too long for a feature film" B

Tue 12/05/2009
Richard "long weekend" B

Mon 18/05/2009
After the first time I was ever invited to an after-show party. It was after a show that I had played.
Richard "after-show party" B

Tue 26/05/2009
Richard "long weekend" B

Mon 01/06/2009
Richard "gig on friday" B

Mon 08/06/2009
Richard "weekend rock-star" B

Mon 15/06/2009
Richard "back to work" B

Mon 22/06/2009
Richard "The raffle organiser wouldn't give me her phone number, but I did win a cuddly polar bear" B

Mon 29/06/2009
The week when I was first introduced to fantastic mock hair-metal band "Steel Panther"
Richard "Death To All But Metal" B

Mon 06/07/2009
Richard "I've got a steam powered bath toy" B

Mon 13/07/2009
Richard "Should have invited new members last week" B

Mon 20/07/2009
Richard "post viral fatigue" B

Wed 22/07/2009
Richard "lunchtime consitutional" B

Mon 27/07/2009
Richard "day off" B

Mon 10/08/2009
Richard "Ladbrokes" B

Mon 17/08/2009
Richard "Up to date with my hoovering, washing-up, and ironing" B

Mon 24/08/2009
A week when I wasn't too happy with the band's bass player
Richard "Either learn the songs OR print out the music BEFORE the rehearsal" B

Wed 16/09/2009
A week when the girl singer out of the band took charge of my text flirting with the girl from the North.
Richard "playing Christian to a lesbian Cyrano de Bergerac" B

After a week in Corfu at an all inclusive destination resort
Richard "a week behind" B

Mon 28/09/2009
After a week in Corfu at an all inclusive destination resort
Richard "Nobody leaves the resort" B

Mon 05/10/2009
Richard "I slow-danced with the woman of my dreams at a wedding. Sadly she was the bride and I wasn't the groom" B

Mon 12/10/2009
Richard "Making a meal for a single woman tonight" B

Mon 19/10/2009
The week when ex rock star Troy Tate tought me to play a wierd heavy blues version of "Come Together"
Richard "He got walrus gumboot" B

Tue 27/10/2009
Richard "Got to buy a birthday present for a woman I hardly know" B

Mon 09/11/2009
Richard "I'm in the money" B

Tue 10/11/2009
Richard "Grommet" B

Mon 16/11/2009
Richard "" B

Mon 23/11/2009
Richard "MacGyver" B **
** To understand the relevance of my middle name this week you have to know that I effected a temporary but workable repair to the return spring of a drummer's broken bass drum pedal using the elastic of a pair of talismanic knickers which had previously been thrown at him while he played.

Mon 30/11/2009
I took my new girlfriend to  a show I played at the Cherry Tree, and there was an unseasonable downpoor on the way home.
Richard "sex, floods, and rock'n'roll" B

Tue 08/12/2009
I ordered a new Citroen Nemo combo van
Richard "captain nemo-multispace" B

Tue 08/12/2009
Richard "Lottery" B

Tue 15/12/2009
Richard "decorations up" B

Tue 29/12/2009
Richard "gin and rosehip syrup" B