Tuesday 30 July 2013

The Second Coming

To understand this minority appeal bolingblog you would have to know:
  1. Yeats's "The Second Coming" almost by heart
  2. That I am going through a difficult break-up (musical not romantic)
  3. What happens at the end of “This is Spinal Tap”
  4. That P.M.C is the rehearsal rooms in Plymouth

Turning and turning on the darkening stage
The singer cannot hear the monitor;
Bands fall apart; the friendship cannot hold;
Mere karaoke is loosed upon the world,
The booze-soaked tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of live music is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of vanity and ego.

Surely some side project is at hand;
Surely another band is at hand.
Another band! Hardly are those words out
When an image out of Spinal Tap
Troubles my sight: Themeland Amusement Park;
A sign with "Puppet Show" as the headline act;
A crowd bored and pitiless as the sun,
Is clapping its slow hands, while all thought it
Wind shadows of indignant former friends.

The darkness drops again but now I know
That two decades of riffs and chords
Were vexed to nothing by a changing lineup,
And what rough band, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards P.M.C. to be born?

Richard "W" B (Yeats)

Tuesday 23 July 2013

Goodbye The Kicks

Last week the band that I have been playing in for the last 8 years broke up. I’m very sad about it, but I have nothing but good memories. All the rehearsals, all the laughs and all the shows were great. I know everybody thinks that they play in the best band in the world, but we were really something. When we were good we were spectacular, when we were bad we were still better than most. The public danced and sang along, and then booked us for their weddings, birthdays and parties, and then paid us! We impressed and befriended an old rock star, and the sound crew at a biker rally said we were the best band of the weekend (comparing us to professional touring bands).

The breakup wasn't exactly easy, but we’re all still on good terms. It didn't happen on stage. Nobody broke my sitar motherf**ker [note 1] and it happened before I was much too old and fat to be up on stage with an electric guitar.

Thank you to everybody who has been involved over the years, you've all been a big part of my life. The band has taught me a whole lot about music, and musicianship, and even more about friendship and collaboration.

Richard "When the kids had killed the man I had to break up the band" B

[note 1: If you don't recognise this reference, then you haven’t seen "Dig" the documentary about "The Brian Jonestown Massacre". I recommend that you watch it]

Monday 15 July 2013

New Hobby

"Better than sex" is an overused cliche, but (with apologies to Catherine, Wendy, Madeleine, Sarah, and <ahem> a couple of other) that really is how I feel about playing in a band, at least when it’s going well. This weekend however I was introduced to a new and better creative outlet. It’s called "drawing cocks on the local newspaper". There's a facebook page and a 100,000 strong community of enthusiasts. I don't think I have ever had so much fun as when I sat down by myself with The Plympton, Plymstock, and Ivybridge news and a black pen.

The Hugger and the Stroker

Not only am I having great fun with this new hobby, I think I might be genuinely gifted. One of my friends photographed and submitted my first work and it has been exceptionally well recieved. The chap running the facebook page said he laughed out loud, and he published it instantly. It gained 1200 likes and dozens of compliments in the first hour. It's been described as "An instant classic" and "The best post for ages" and it represented the state of the art for all of Sunday.

Richard "childish" B

Tuesday 9 July 2013

Birthday Treats

It was my birthday at the weekend. People have been embarrassingly generous. Amongst other things I was given:
  • Very many cards, all with badges (one from somebody who’s signature clearly references this blog)
  • Bottle opener
  • Very high quality razor
  • Antique heirloom pocket-watch (running)
  • Book
  • Singing lessons
  • Bewilderingly elaborate corkscrew
  • Many T shirts
  • Handmade science fiction blanket
  • Leather washbag
  • Theatre ticket
  • Magazine
  • £30,000
  • Curly Wurly
  • Laundry folder (like Sheldon uses)
  • Exact model of my favorite guitar (in the medium of cake)
  • Vintage wine and port
  • A kebab
  • Dedicated signed album
  • Two novels (both of which I have been looking forward to reading)
  • Forty year old sheet music
  • Cufflinks
  • Specially made video messages (one of which features two of my close female friends kissing while dressed and made-up as porn stars)
  • Microplane Grater
  • Tea
  • Ginger
  • Malteezers (thoughtful and touching)
Thank you one and all.

Richard "swag" B

Tuesday 2 July 2013


On Friday my age will be divisible by 1, 2 and 5 and will have no other prime factors. There will be cakes at coffee time. On Saturday there is a party. It’s downstairs at The Fxxxxxxxx, Mxxxxx Pxxxx at 7.30pm. Please come along.

Last Friday I was told that it was national sexual innuendo day. In response I tried to slip one in wherever I could. In a conversation about fast food I managed to wink at my lodger’s girlfriend’s mum (a beautiful and flirtatious woman who’s a little bit older than me) and tell her how skilled I was when it came to eating a kebab.

Richard “Finbar Saunders” B