♫I've got a cousin called Kevin. He's sure to go to heaven♫
Actually I've got a colleague who recently let me stay at his house.
Both him and his wife are the sort of garish over-achievers whom it's best not to compare oneself to. They were generous, gracious hosts, despite the fact that I had invited myself. I turned up wet and dirty without any clean clothes. They laundered a couple of garments for me and didn't bat an eye at me joining them for dinner wearing gardening trousers.
They feed and rehabilitate local wildlife, and only use the most humane methods to control the pheasants (they get chased away personally)
♫He's got a fur lined sheepskin jacket. My ma said they cost a packet♫
He's actually got a beautiful cottage with a large garden. It's being tastefully extended and refurbished. They seemingly have no end of energy, enthusiasm, taste and skill.
♫Oh, my perfect cousin. What I like to do he doesn't♫
They barely drink, but despite that they keep an excellent cellar. They're early to bed and early to rise and they'll have a sit-down cooked breakfast on a week day.
♫He's got a degree in economics. Maths, physics and bionics♫
Actually both him and his wife were senior staff at a university, and he enjoyed teaching. They both have pilot's licences and she's a yoga instructor. They're excellent cooks, brewers, bakers, raconteurs and who knows what else.
♫He always beat me at Subbuteo cause he flicked to kick and I didn't know♫
He has a huge collection of board games and hosts regular board game evening with his friends.
♫His mother bought him a synthesiser. Got the Human League into advise her♫
Actually he makes interesting electronic projects, metalwork projects, software projects, and home improvements with his apparently copious time and energy.
In the same way that I hope Tim Peake turns out to be a child molester, I feel better about myself imagining that they keep some shameful terrifying secret.
Richard "Outdated Musical Reference" B
