Monday 9 May 2011


When I got home on Friday the children that live near me were playing in the street. I do my best to be friendly with them, mainly because one of them has a very beautiful, and as far as I know, single mother. "Are you playing football?" I asked. They explained that they weren't supposed to play football anymore in case the ball went over the wall into one of the gardens. Apparently the couple who live behind the wall are cross with the children and now refuse to give their balls and toys back. Unfortunately the children took my question as permission to play football. I kicked the ball about with them for about five minutes taking great care not to let it get too close to the wall. The little girl who's mum I like then stopped the game in great anguish because she'd kicked her shoe off and it had gone over the wall. The children put it to me that as an adult I could knock on their door and ask for the shoe back with impunity. I was disinclined for several reasons:

  • I was chicken;
  • we shouldn't have been playing football in the first place;
  • It would be clear that I was acting as the agent of the children when they retrieved a child's shoe; and
  • I'm already in dispute with them about their hedge growing over my driveway.
One of the children lent over the wall with a small fishing net. It was neither strong enough, nor long enough to get the shoe back, but I thought the solution was brilliant. I went to my garage and attached a steel hook to the end of my broom with tie-wraps. I lent over the wall, holding the bristly end of the broom, and of course the handle fell out, leaving a child's shoe, a steel hook, and a broom handle in their garden. It was at this moment that the mum emerged from her house, having found out that her daughter had lost a shoe. I don't think I made a very good impression on her.

Unbelievable I've got a date this week with a young woman that sings in a local rock band. I'm already worrying about what albums I'll "just happen" to be listening to in my van when I pick her up.

I didn't see it myself but everybody has been talking about the Primal Scream documentary on the 'Screamadelic' album and associated tour. One of the recording engineers said he knew that the acid and ecstasy had got out of hand on the Australian leg of the tour when one of the road crew found him crawling around in the lobby of a hotel looking for the steering wheel for the Sydney Opera House.
Richard "Everybody knows you drive the Sydney Opera House with a joystick" B

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