Tuesday 10 September 2002

Date Report 2

At approximately 2:30 pm Monday September 9 Richard Redacted recieved a telephone call at his desk in the Redacted offices within the ITTC building of Tamar Science Park. The call was originated by Redacted, the senior receptionist at the ITTC, but she introduced herself as "The Science Park liason officer for getting people together". During a brief and awkward telehpone conversation Mr Redacted was reminded of, and asked his opinion of a recently departed junior receptionist called Redacted. He was lead to believe that Redacted would appreciate a call from him, and would be ameneable to the idea of a personal rendezvous. Mr Redacted agreed to call her, and was supplied with the number of Redacted's mobile telephone [Note1].

[Note 1
A Nokia 3310 fitted with an optional cover which displayed the Cadbury's Flake logo and livery.]

Mr Redacted worked for the rest of the afternoon on the development of a software product called "CONTROLSITE". He left work at approximately 5:30pm and arrived at his own residence [Note2] at approximately 5:55. He then spent approximately 1 hour devising a way to carry his guitar[note3] on the motorcycle[note4] that he had borrowed for his commuting.

[Note 2Redacted
Note 3
A Rickenbacker 360v64 six-string electric.
Note 4
A partially worn out Kawasaki ZZR250, registration number Redacted.]

At approximately 7:00pm Mr Redacted rang the mobile telephone number which he had been given earlier in the day, ascertained that he was speaking with Redacted, and introduced himself. Redacted was immediately embarrased, and appologetic for his having been encouraged to call her. Despite her embarassement and some retisance she agreed to meet with Mr Redacted for a drink and a chat. Upon a discussion of their various schedules it became apparent that the most convenient time for them to meet would be that very evening. Mr Redacted then wrote down a brief set of directions which lead from the foot of the Saltash bridge[Note5] to Redacted's family abode[Note6].

[Note 5
Cornish side, god help me.
Note 6
Just off Wearde Road, St Stevens.]

Mr Redacted informed Redacted that he would change his clothes and make himself a snack, and expected to arrive at approximately 8:00pm. In fact Mr Redacted ate a small quantity of cheese, and 2 thick slices of chorizo. He ironed and donned a pair of trousers and a shirt and then refeitted the acoustic matting and rear seats to his car[Note7]. He made a cursory attempt to clean dust and rusty water stains from the rubber footwell mats with a rag moistned with WD40. He refitted the mats, filled the car with petrol, and departed towards Saltash.

[Note 7
A 1982 Renault 4 GTL. Registration number A394FPA]

In the direction towards Cornwall the Saltash bridge required no toll payment, or passport control stops. Mr Redacted followed the directions that he had written down and pulled up outside Redacted's house at approximately 7:55pm. Upon ringing the doorbell he heard Redacted's voice inform some other occupants of the house that she was going out, that she would see them later, and not to bite anybody[Note8].

[Note 8
The latter coment at least was probably directed toward the parrot which also resides at that address.]

Redacted was dressed in a tight fitting light coloured top, and low waisted, very tight fitting jeans which laced up where a fly would traditionally be fitted. She is relatively short[Note9] with light, nearly blond hair. She is generally slim apart from archbishops[Note10][Note11].

[Note 9
She had within the last few months encountered a Great Dane that was taller than she was.

Note 10
Official Catholic Church Official Breast Size Scale

  • Vergers        Smallest
  • Deacons
  • ArchDeacons
  • Bishops
  • ArchBishops
  • Cardinals
  • Popes          Largest
Note 11
Taking into accound the overall size of the woman they could concievably be guaged as Cardinals.]

Mr Redacted drove himself and Redacted to "The Holland Inn" following her directions. During the time they spent there they consumed
  • 2 bottles of Smirnoff Ice
  • 2 pints of Bass shandy
  • a soda-water with lime
  • and an orange juice.
They discussed at some length the chain of events which had lead them to be there, along with various items from popular culture and anecdotes from their lives.

It transpired that Mr Redacted had found Redacted personable and very attractive throughout her employment at Tamar Science Park, but was under the impression that Redacted was considerably less interested in him. In fact Redacted was deeply taken with Mr Redacted, but felt unable to inform him. She had confided in her colleagues and her mother of her desire towards him, and had often hoped that she would find the right opportunity, and the nerve to say something to him. Mr Redacted had seriously considered before eventually rejecting the idea of inviting Redacted out for a meal to celebrate her birthday[note12] several weeks previously. It became clear that Redacted would have been almost certain to have accepted such an invitation.

[Note 12

The first reference to popular culture of the evening was Redacted's question to Mr Redacted of whether he has seen, and if he had enjoyed the film "Moulin Rouge". He answered that he had seen it, and that he didn't like it in the least, and in fact he considered that Baz Luhrman[note13] owed him two hours of his life back. Redacted was obviously non-plussed by his views, saying that she judged all people on how they liked that particular film, and that Mr Redacted might as well leave now. Happily her views of Mr Redacted seemed to improve slightly as the evening progressed.

[Note 13
The director of Moulin Rouge.]

During the time they spent at "The Holland Inn" Redacted was often embarrassed, and awkward in conversation. At one stage during a discussion of "The Graduate"[note14] Mr Redacted suggested that Redacted might like to view the film version at his house, in Response Redacted spilled a good proportion of her drink down the front of her top before sheepishly accepting the invitation.

[Note 14
Mr Redacted had lent Redacted the novel "The Graduate" during her employment at Tamar science Park.]

The pair left the bar after 3 drinks and took a short, and essentially unrewarding drive through the unlit Cornish countryside. They then stopped the car outside Wearde School[note15][note16] where they admired the view of the Tamar Valley[note17] and discussed directions to Mr Redacted's place of residence.

[Note 15
Redacted Completed her education at Wearde Comprehensive School

Note 16
Wearde is pronounced as "weird"

Note 17
From the Cornish side god help me.]

It was agreed that Redacted would attend Mr Redacted's house the next evening to watch "The Graduate" and to continue the process of aquainting themselves with one another.

During the evening, physical contact was limited to a dig in the ribs (delivered by Mr Redacted) to punctuate a particularly weak pun, and a brief peck (on the lips) as Mr Redacted helped Redacted from the car outside her house.