Tuesday 27 October 2015

That'll do.

file under: uncategorized

I've always rather liked sheepdogs and once spent a great day at an amateur sheepdog trials (in some cases both the dogs and the handlers were amateurish and one unfortunate pair accidentally chased the sheep into the car park ).

One works day out we were lent the use of a sheepdog and a flock of ducks. We learned that the three basic commands are "lie down" "come by"(clockwise) and "away now"(anticlockwise). It was hard for me to issue these commands because the dog had been trained by a man with a gruff Yorkshire accent.

This week I saw a very Plymouthian man training a border collie (as a pet rather than a working dog). I despair that he ever lends the dog to someone, because one of the commands will be impossible to guess. He was using "Sit" "Lie Down" "Fetch" and "Come over'ere mate"

Richard "one man and his blog" B

Tuesday 20 October 2015

Vintage Food

file under: embarrassing social situations

This weekend I visited my sister and a couple of things in her kitchen were a little out of date. I'm glad to say though, that she had thrown away the old packet of suet.

I lived with her for a year in the early 90s when I was a student. I remember a conversation about the graphic design of a packet of Sainsbury's beef suet. It was done in cream and blue, and the Sainsbury's typeface looked "old-timey". To start with we thought that it was a special design to compliment the old-ladyish nature of cooking with suet. On closer examination it turned out that it had gone out of date in 1978 and had been sculling around in her kitchen for at least 13 years.

Richard "when I accidentally poisoned her husband the culprit pickle was only two years out of date" B

Tuesday 13 October 2015

Drop the Shoulder

file under: embarrassing social situations

When I play frisbee with my friend and his daughter, she inevitably gets marginalised in the game and I end up as one of two grown men playing with a child's toy while its owner watches.

A couple of weeks ago, when I was walking to the local shops something similar happened with a couple of strangers. A man (probably in his 30s) was walking to the shops with his young son (probably less than 5). The man was kicking a football accurately and sympathetically to his son who would try, clumsily, to kick it back.

I'm no expert in football, but in a monkey-see-monkey-do way I have learned to use some of the jargon. On one occasion the son lost control of the ball and it came in my general direction. I jogged over and knocked it back to the father who had excellent ball control. With one touch he put it back at his son's feet and shouted - ostensibly to his son who had no idea what he meant – "knock it on, let's see if he's got pace". I collected it again and while I kicked the ball back to the father I shouted – again aimed at the son, but really to amuse the father – "run off the ball, build triangles".

The son didn't get many touches for the rest of the short walk to the co-op.

Richard "show him the nutmeg" B

Tuesday 6 October 2015

Low µ Little Suckers

file under: embarrassing social situations

This weekend I went to Thruxton for a skid pan training day. It was hard work and much more difficult than I expected, specially in the front wheel drive car. All that's left of my irony detector is a smoking crater after - on a day devoted to losing and gaining traction on low grip surfaces - I slipped down a muddy bank and cut my hand.

Richard "a little too ironic - yeah I really do think" B