Rocky

I recently saw the film Project Hail Mary at the cinema. I'll let you know what I thought of it in a minute, but we have to go on a long detour first. To my shame I got caught up in the hype of commentators and critics saying how wonderful the film was and I saw it the week it opened.

In 1995 there was an album called Jagged Little Pill that generated the same amount of critical acclaim and excitement. You couldn't turn on the radio without hearing it, and everybody was saying how wonderful it was. I distinctly remember watching some music awards programme and there was one dissenting voice who said it was a good album, but nothing special. That in a few years time nobody would be saying it was particularly important. He was right. There have been plenty of good albums by a female singer song writer with something to say, the only thing different about this one was that it had swearing and funk rock bass playing.

My review of Project Hail Mary: It's a good film, you'd probably enjoy it. It's a long way from the best sci-fi film ever made.

I think what has happened is that cinema has been pretty mediocre for a while, and sci-fi has been completely overlooked in favour of franchises and superheroes. I don't think the critics and commentators would be praising P.H.M so wildly if it had come out in the same decade as, say, The Day The Earth Stood Still, 2001 A Space Odyssey, Close Encounters, Alien, The Terminator, The Matrix, or Contact.

Richard "The Critic was Paul Gambaccini" B

Null

 There are lots of questions that seem like they would produce a simple yes or no answer, but in fact they don't.

I think I annoyed my brother a little bit by answering "yes" to "have you got a barometer?" and then, after quite a long conversation answering "no" to "have you got a serviceable barometer". However I stand by my first answer. I kept my late father's barometer for sentimental and historical reasons. While the needle does move a little bit, it's unreliable and wildly out of calibration.

If the answer to "have you still got dad's barometer" is "yes" then the answer to "have you got a barometer?" must also be "yes"

Richard "Do you still beat your wife?" B

OBD2

 I usually consider myself to be pretty good at faultfinding, but the evidence from this week doesn't back up that idea.

Pulling away or changing direction in my Fiat Panda started making a gurgling noise. My first thought was fuel, but nothing smelled of petrol, so that didn't seem likely. There must be rainwater getting in. No. Everything was about as dry/damp as it usually was. It can't have been hydraulic fluid because the clutch and brakes worked fine. There also isn't a pubble under the car. The coolant level is normal, so I was stumped. Battery Acid! The battery must be half empty and the engine bay will be corroding terribly. No, it was dusty and dry like usual.

The answer came when I tried to go rock climbing. I had left my gym bag in the back of the car and there was a half drunk bottle of water in it.

Richard "hydration" B

Relative Humidity

 How was your first track day of the year?

I took my Caterham to Pembrey on Sunday. Some of the day was excellent. The car behaved impeccably. The new suspension is very impressive. The tyres and brakes came alive in a couple of laps each time. Both my guest and I had a good session on track.

However the weather was bitterly cold, strong winds, and varying wildly between drizzle, heavy rain, and bright cold sunshine. We both got cold and wet. We weren't allowed into the cafe until 8:30 and we were kicked out at 14:00. There is no other shelter in the paddock (unless you brought it with you) and the necessity of being able to see out of my car on circuit meant that I had taken the windscreen and roof off.

We drove home wearing wet clothes in a car full of wet upholstery, weather gear, tools and equipment with the cabin heater running full blast. We weren't cold but we weren't dry either. I now smell like a wet dog and I think I might have a mild case of trench foot.

Richard "worth it" B

Ogilvy and Mather

 There was a joke quiz question in the 90s. "What does TESCO stand for?" The correct answer was "Good food, great prices and a whole lot more".

For a brief period I lived with my sister in North London. She would sometimes drag me to Ikea in Neasden, which was a hellish journey, and the shopping was always a bewildering ordeal. Since those days I've always believed that the Ikea marketing slogan is "Ikea. In Neasden nobody can hear you scream".

Today I went to B&M on purpose. For those of you that don't know: it's a low-end homewares shop. Again it might not be the official marketing slogan, but I always think it's "B&M. Prepare for disappointment"

Richard "Outdated Cultural Reference" B

Frozen Shoulder

 As you get older you get to learn about a new load of medical problems. Raynaud's, Dupuytren's, Chilblanes, Halux Rigidus ...

One of the funniest ones is frozen shoulder. You won't remember doing it, but if you're a bloke you bought one bingo square to win an absolutely terrible prize. Women win it much less often. If your square comes up it'll be between the ages of 45 and 55, you are absolutely crippled for the best part of a year, but you get no sympathy and no adjustments are made to accommodate you.

It starts off with a slightly stiff arm, you think you strained it or slept awkwardly. Instead of getting better it gets worse week after week after week until you're in constant low grade pain. One of your arms is weak, stiff, painful to use, and there is absolutely no way you can lift it higher than your chest.

At some stage you'll seek medical attention, or you'll talk to somebody with intimate knowledge of frozen shoulder. They'll explain just how bad it's going to get (very very bad) and just how long it's going to take. If you're in the peak of good health it takes 9 months: 3 months freezing, 3 months frozen, 3 months thawing. It very often takes a year. During the worst 3 months you'll be pretty much incapacitated.

The best bit is that so many people have had it, and not one of them got any help, that you'll be treated exactly the same. Can't dress yourself? Tough luck! I'm sure you'll figure something out - maybe you can lay your shirt out on the bed and squirm into it, or hook it on using an umbrella handle. Can't use the gears or handbrake in your car? That sounds like a you-problem, nobody's going to drive you around. Disturbed sleep? yeah so was mine.

I expect you're thinking one of two things: 1) This affliction can't be THIS common and THIS debilitating. It is, and it is, and you just have to deal with it. 2) Oh yeah I remember that, I managed.

I found out what was wrong with me from a physio and was horrified at how bad it was, how little I could do, and how long it was going to take. I told my brother about it in hyperbolic terms. He said, matter of factly "Oh yeah, I had that, it took a year" and it was clear that I was going through nothing special and that no more sympathy or advice was coming.

On the plus side, you can suffer with it at most twice, and if you get to 55, you're probably safe.

Richard "Don't Complain, Don't Skip the Exercises" B