Fry Up

 After all why not? Why shouldn't I go to bed now and leave this massive pile of washing up until the morning?

On Saturday I found myself speedrunning "Make and Eat a Cooked Breakfast". One of my friends had agreed to come climbing with me, we were to meet for breakfast at the local supermarket, and then drive to the climbing wall where he had an induction booked. When we got to the counter to order breakfast we discovered that there was a 30 minute wait for food and that would have made us miss our booking.

We were already in a supermarket, and we were close to my house. In 18 minutes I bought bacon and eggs, donned my motorcycle clothing, rode home, cooked 6 rashers of bacon, fried 2 eggs, made 2 slices of toast, and served a reasonable breakfast. The cooking was done at the same time as taking off my motorcycle clothing. I turned the stove on still wearing the helmet, the bacon went in the pan while I still had the jacket on, and I think I was still wearing boots when I sat down to eat.

Richard "My Kitchen Was Embarrassingly Untidy" B

Serial Killer

 As I've been preparing firewood for bonfire night (and my subsequent experiments with cooking on a chiminea) I wanted to use an axe. I have an axe which came from my parents' house, but it was rather blunt so I looked up how to sharpen it on Youtube. What I have found out is that a good quality axe should be just softer than a good quality file, and you can do most of the sharpening with a file. I have also had to accept that my 10" bastard file, given to me on my 30th birthday (mainly because it has "BASTARD" stamped into it) is rather worn out and needs to be replaced.

My axe is now as sharp as a razor, youtube thinks that all I'm interested in is axes and knives, and I have a new file that just says "1" on it.

Richard "can I turn the old file into a knife?" B

Wee Timorous Beastie

 When I was a child it was completely normal on November 5th to go to a friend's house, or to have friends over and stand around a large fire with an effigy on top. (it was a different time, it also seemed normal that there were unattended coin operated machines that would dispense 2 pints of paraffin into whatever container you pointed the nozzle). Children's tv at the time would tell you to check for hedgehogs in the bonfire before you lit it because they would often think that the unlit fire would make an excellent nest for the winter.

This year I had friends over and we lit the biggest fire we could manage (rather small) in a chiminea. The chiminea is quite small, and the grate doesn't fit well so it will sometimes spit out burning sticks and embers, but I did supercharge it with a hairdryer and a length of exhaust pipe.

Anyway in preparation for bonfire night I sawed the firewood that I had harvested from my hedge into suitable lengths. Under the log pile there was an excellent collection of dry leaves and twigs which I thought I would use as kindling for the fire. I scooped it all up into a bucket and discovered that it also contained a hedgehog. I put it all back where it was and I hope that I haven't scared the hedgehog away.

Richard "On Turning Her Up In Her Nest With The Plough" B

Analysis

 Some bits of faultfinding require obscure, expensive or cumbersome equipment. When I had faulty audio equipment I pretty much always had to get the oscilloscope and the signal generator out of the loft. Many times I've wanted an OBD reader for cars, or an exhaust gas analyser, or a rolling road. Or the tuning software for my ECU. I have found myself wanting for various gauges, stroboscopes, microscopes, boroscopes, pressure vessels, vacuum chambers, smoke generators, …

In contrast I LOVED the equipment needed to find where a washing machine is leaking. You can put a sheet of cardboard under it to witness where it drips. You can close a sheet of kitchen roll in the soap drawer or the door to see if it's dry, and you can wrap kitchen roll around any hose, pump, or fitting to see if it gets wet.

While I did find the leak in my washing machine (small crack in the tub) I was unable to fix it and still ended up buying a new one.

Richard "waste of time" B

Chaise Longue

 During my trip to Norfolk I managed to collect several of the things that can make you feel light headed, by accident. On the day that I helped my brother in the woods I didn't have a proper lunch (low blood sugar). While he was waving a chainsaw around as effortlessly as a conductor's baton I didn't want to admit what a wimp I was so I worked myself hard with the hedge trimmer (Exhaustion) and built up a proper sweat (Dehydration). We hadn't taken any water with us, and when he bought me a pint (Diuretic, Vasodilator) to say thankyou I forgot to drink any water. We got home filthy and tired so I relaxed in a hot bath (Vasodilator). When I stood up (Postural Hypotension) I very nearly fainted. I ended up feeling thoroughly unwell, crawling on the bathroom floor with tunnel vision and ringing ears.

Thankfully there was a fainting couch just a few steps outside the bathroom door. I relaxed there while they brought me ghetto isotonic drinks and I made a full recover before tea was served.

Richard "got to catch 'em all" B

Titan Submarine

 A few weeks ago I was discussing the loss of the OceanGate Titan tourist submarine with my brothers, one of whom is a skilled mechanical engineer. Apparently everybody expected it to collapse because a cylinder with domed ends on it is a really bad shape to put under pressure. I still find it rather had to believe, but as a species we only know how much pressure you can put on a cylinder if it's perfect. As soon as it goes slightly out of round it's much much weaker, but we can't really calculate how weak.

To demonstrate this effect to me they devised this beautiful practical demonstration. The beer can can hold my weight while it's intact. They then introduced the tiniest imperfection (by prodding it gently with a cotton bud) and it collapses catastrophically.

https://youtu.be/SCj_wf7J89U

My least favourite thing about the loss of the Titan - apart from the loss of life - is the system of acoustic sensors and strain gauges supposed to keep it safe. Everybody was a naysayer and didn't believe they would work. They naysayers were kind-of right, in that the submarine collapsed and killed everybody inside, however, they did pick up a loud click (probably a delamination) on dive 80, and the strain gauges did show that the performance of the hull was degraded after the click. If only they'd known how to analyse the data.

Richard "I went to school with Euler Buckling" B