Tuesday, 7 March 2017

Fear is for others

I know I'm late to this party, but I'm absolutely loving "Archer" the animated comedy spy drama. Archer's four biggest fears are alligators, crocodiles, brain aneurysms (it's the silent killer) and brain embolisms (easily confused with number three).

By comparison my biggest fears are much more pedestrian and inconvenient: Spiders, door handles  and cheese graters.

Spiders is an irrational fear, it serves no purpose, makes me look like a wimp and sometimes renders large areas of my own house inaccessible. Cheese graters makes much more sense, it's so easy to cut the end of all the fingers on your right hand when you're using one.

I find it hard to believe that no one else is frightened of door handles, I would have thought that by now the health and safety oppressors would have removed and outlawed them. It's like every house and office is decorated with unsheathed navel-height harpoons. Am I really the only person who has tripped through an open door and got my wrist caught between the door and the handle? You can't put your hand out to save yourself so your weight and momentum are applied in equal measure towards breaking your wrist and dashing your body against whatever you fall on (in my case the sharp corner of a cast iron bedstead). I severely sprained my wrist, the bedstead hit me in the chest and broke a rib – I was actually lucky to live.

So you've got door knobs in your house? Well no, all the doors are drilled too close to the jamb to fit knobs and changing all the doors would cost real money.

Richard "Do something every day that scares you" B

No comments:

Post a comment