Thursday 29 December 2011


You will see more of the light of reason if you stick your head in a pig than if you take the motto "post hoc ergo proctor hoc" at face value. It means "following the event therefore caused by the event" and it's now cited as a logical fallacy. I like to think that some lazy bugger in one of the ancient civilizations made a gash translation and set philosophy and jurisprudence back a thousand years. "Does anyone know the Latin for 'does not necessarily imply'? - oh f**k it 'ergo' must be close enough".

I had very many items on my todo list before Christmas and when I actioned "Cards for neighbours" I thought that I had stumbled upon a new and fundamental truth. The woman with the Hooters shirt, the bloke next door and I are all single. The family on the end and the couple with the barky greyhound are both still married. On the other side of the road the hot single mum, and the bloke who's wife and van I used to admire are single, the families on both ends are still married.

"Sh*t the bed" I said "The secret of a happy marriage is having a 3 bed house with a dining room!" It works for everybody I know in my street, my parents, and all of my friends' parents that I could think of. However correlation doesn't imply causality, the sample is statistically insignificant, and having a dining room is probably a proxy for something that comes with a happy and successful marriage. Oh Man, I'm never going to win a Nobel prize.

Richard "steganographic blog post" B

Monday 26 December 2011

Christmas Schizophrenia

From now on in this blog, you might think that my writing style and subject matter has become rather varied. You might wonder from one article to the next whether I'm a professional software enginner or a fifteen year old schoolgirl; man or woman; middle aged or college age? I haven't lost my mind. In the spirit of Christmas I have invited most of my family to be authors on boligblog. Let me introduce "m.e.b" for example, she's the younger of my nieces, she's still at school, plays band and hockey to an improbably high standard, and has written some excellent articles elsewhere.

Welcome one and all.

Keep following us. You'll get an insight into just how crazy the whole family is - it's not just me.

Richard "editorial control" B

Sunday 25 December 2011

Happy Christmas

I'm a screaming homosexual, for christmas I got a newfound insight into exactly how gay I am.

Mary "Rainbow Flag" B

Wednesday 21 December 2011

Cat and Mouse

When I was growing up my mum kept a big muscular tomcat called Willy. One day Willycat brought in a mouse which promptly escaped to the cupboard under the stairs. We shut the cat in the lounge and rescued the mouse. When the cat was released he mewed and clawed outside the cupboard until we opened it for him and he then spent about quarter of an hour in the cupboard searching in minute detail for the mouse. He did the same thing again later that day, and did the same thing again once or twice daily for the next eight or ten years. He never found the mouse.

I was in Guildford this weekend, and one of my friends up there had bought two chocolate bars, eaten one of them, and lost the other. It's very hard not to keep looking in the places that you think something should be, even if you've already looked there. He arrived home from work peckish, and looked down the back of the microwave for his Double Decker for the fifth time in as many days and said "I know exactly how that poor bloody cat feels". It wasn't there.

Richard "where did you see it last?" B

Tuesday 13 December 2011


My sister knows their manager so I was on the guest list to see 'Jools Holland and his Rhythm and Blues Orchestra' on Saturday night. Among the musicians was Rico Rodriguez - reggae and ska legend - best trombone player (trombonist? tromboner? trombonologist?) in the world and a hero of mine.

Coincidentally I'm reading a book about 'The Specials' written by their bass player, he talks about when Rico started playing with them, the reggae crowd accorded him slightly more respect and adoration than if he'd been the second coming. He was also a massive marijuana smoker, and mainly a very laid back character.

On Saturday night after the Jools Holland show we went to their hotel to say hello to the manager. Outside the hotel I could smell grass being smoked, and when we got inside there was Rico, checking in and signing for his room key. I wanted to say "YoureMyHeroILoveEveryNoteThatYouveEveryPlayedThatSoloOnTheLongVersionOfGhostTownIsTheBestThingIveEverHeardWillYouAutographEveryThingThatIOwn" but restrained myself slightly and started to say "Good show tonight". He stopped me after less than a syllable and said "Dankyou sooo mush, you doo kaind." and that was very clearly the end of the conversation. I suppose he's had over thirty years to learn to deal with gushing sycophantic idiots.

My brother tells me that a couple of years ago he was going to another Jools Holland show and ended up in the same cab as Rico. My brother asked him about touring with 'The Specials' and all he said was "Dey wer'.... laively boys."

Richard "starstruck" B

Tuesday 6 December 2011

Early night

I once saw an episode of Futurama where Fry had to write and produce a season finale for Ally McBeal to save the world. The joke that particularly made me laugh was when they ran out of script after about a minute. Fry said "It took half an hour to write, I thought it would take half an hour to read out."

At the weekend I was helping out a young and inexperienced band and virtually the same thing happened. They had miraculously got themselves a paying show in a pub. They were playing from 9 'til 11 and were allowed a 20 minute break - a very easy show and a nice early night. They came off stage half an hour after they'd started:
"How long have we been playing for?"
"About 30 minutes, just under"
"Shit you're joking"
"No, look <showing wrist watch>"
"Shit. I thought we'd been up there at least an hour. It took much longer than that in rehearsals"

They didn't have anywhere near enough material and it was all slightly embarrassing. However I has home and the van was unloaded before midnight which was abject luxury.

Richard "send on the Patagonians" B