I've been tidying up and painting my house ready to sell it. As I know that it will soon no longer be mine, I haven't been doing it very thoroughly. But is it still really bodging if you do a half-arsed job to a very high standard?
This cupboard door is slightly twisted and doesn't close properly.
There are certain anti-truths that people tell you because they sound so fantastical, or because they never questioned them when they were told. When I was younger there was a long standing rumour that (80's quizmaster) Bob Holness played the saxophone solo on the song Baker Street. I've been told that (Welsh singer) Duffy is the daughter of (Welsh singer) Shakin' Stevens. I met someone who claimed to have played the swanny whistle part in the song Groove is in the Heart, and to honour him I will sometimes tell people that my father supplied a recording studio with the angry goose that you can hear on the Herb Alpert's song Tijuana Taxi – it's not really a goose, it's a baritone sax, probably played by Bob Holness.
Sometimes I get told something so specific and unlikely that I assume it’s one
of these anti-truths:
"The singer La Roux's mum played June Ackland in The Bill."
"I used to know they guy who played (80s TV icon) Roland Rat and he also ran
a fetish and leather club."
"Me and my friends developed the Hot
Coffee mod for GTA San Andreas and cost Rockstar Games millions of dollars."
This weekend I was told that during the 60's Demmis Roussos was in the same
prog rock band as Vangelis.
Richard "Aphrodite's Child" B
I was messaging my friend about how I didn't know when I was going to be available and the predictive text came up with such a lovely new phrase that I left it in the message. I told him that my plans were "all up in the air fryer".
Richard "I do most of my proof reading after I hit sned" B
At the weekend I went on my celebratory speed awareness course. I mostly enjoyed it. My luxurious breakfast in the hotel restaurant was spoiled by the presence of two coachfulls of dithering geriatric tourists. The queue took about 10 minutes, and on the three occasions I reached the head of it there was no coffee available. When I complained they instantly gave me a full refund which I took to the coffee shop on the other side of the car park.
I learned a lot on the course, and I
took snacks and fancy napkins for all the participants. There was, however, a
point at the beginning of the course where nobody wanted to answer the question
about why we thought these courses were being offered. After a conciliatory
speech by the instructor about how there were no wrong answers, and how the
course would only work if we all got involved I put my hand up. I was then
spoken to very harshly, It turns out that there WERE wrong answers and that the
course WOULDN'T work if people were negative about it. I had suggested that I
was offered the course so that I could be charges £100 instead of the statutory
£60 fine.