Wednesday 31 December 2008

2008 lottery emails omnibus

Each week I send an email to members of the lottery syndicate. I sometimes include a joke or observation, and I usually assign myself a joke middle name. These are my names from 2008:

Wed 02/01/2008
Richard "New Year" B

Mon 07/01/2008
Richard "fingers crossed" B

Mon 14/01/2008
Richard "it could have been me" B

Mon 14/01/2008
Richard "it's not gambling" B

Mon 21/01/2008
Richard "I never win" B

Mon 28/01/2008
Richard "not paid up" B

Mon 04/02/2008
Richard "think lucky" B

Mon 11/02/2008
Richard "next week" B

Mon 18/02/2008
Richard "deja vu" B

Mon 25/02/2008
Richard "small prizes" B

Thu 06/03/2008
Richard "normal service resumed" B

Mon 10/03/2008
Richard "nothing to see here" B

Tue 25/03/2008
Richard "we have a winner" B

Mon 31/03/2008
Richard "nothing to see here" B

Wed 02/04/2008
After having discovered that we'd won £10 on the lottery, but not added it to the prize fund.
Richard "Administrative Error" B

Mon 07/04/2008
Richard "let's put it all on the horses" B

Mon 14/04/2008
Bonus ball 26 wins £55 for Madhu, our only absentee player. She left us several month ago and paid up 20 weeks in advance. She has already had one win, and as we've no way of paying it to her it goes back into her balance. She was due to run out of money this week, and I would have had to remove her from the syndicate, but now she's back up to £55.
Congratulations Madhu! You'll still be in credit when you get back.
Richard "What are the chances?" B

Mon 21/04/2008
Bonus ball 27 came up, and until very recently Rohana had number 27. He recently turned his back on ball 27 and signed up the younger and better looking ball 29. Nobody wins the bonus ball pot this week, so the bot grows to £30 for next week.
Richard "soap opera" B

Mon 28/04/2008
Richard "why do we bother?" B

Tue 06/05/2008
Richard "psuedo-monday" B

Mon 19/05/2008
After a week in which my team moved to a downstairs office.
Richard "bottom floor" B

Mon 02/06/2008
Richard "high roller" B

Mon 09/06/2008
Shameless Self Promotion: My band is playing a show in the Funky Judge in Plymouth on Saturday, We'll be playing some well known rock tunes and some ancient / obscure stuff. We've got a fantastic support band lined up. It's free to get in, everybody welcome. I'd really like it if you came down.
Richard "Big Pot" B

Mon 16/06/2008
After a week in which a longtime syndicate member left the syndicate but not the company.
Richard "Why does everybody leave?" B

Mon 23/06/2008
Richard "repetetive" B

Mon 30/06/2008
Would anybody like to join the most complicated lottery syndicate in the world? It costs £1 per week. We buy a few* lottery tickets every week, and we put the rest of the money in a pot. Each member has a bonus ball number, when their number comes up as the bonus ball, they win the pot. Little* prizes from the lottery tickets are added to the pot. Big* lottery wins are shared out equally.
* "few", "little", and "big" are defined accurately in the lottery syndicate agreement.
Richard "roll up, roll up" B

Mon 07/07/2008
Richard "Another year older" B

Mon 14/07/2008
Richard "copy and paste" B

Mon 21/07/2008
After somebody should have won but failed to pay up in time.
Richard "bringer of bad news" B

Tue 29/07/2008
Richard "one day late" B

Mon 04/08/2008
I opened up my email at the weekend and I had a message from every single one of my favourite bands... It turns out I'd clicked on iTunes.
Richard "comedian" B

Wed 13/08/2008
Richard "back to work" B

After a week when I'd had to work some nights and some afternoons.
Richard "anti-crepuscular working pattern" B

Wed 27/08/2008
Richard "think lucky" B

Mon 01/09/2008
Richard "monotony" B

Mon 08/09/2008
Richard "we have a winner" B

Mon 15/09/2008
Bonus ball 35 isn't taken so the bonus ball pot rolls over to an absolutely croesian £28
Richard "sesquipidalian" B

Mon 22/09/2008
Richard "endless repetition" B

Mon 29/09/2008
After the week when we welcomed Gary Ratcliffe to the team, and Fast Eddie and I fancied a quick pint after we'd all been out for a meal. We decided to try the newly refurbished and re-opened Breton Arms.
Richard "I didn't know it was a gay bar" B

Mon 06/10/2008
In these dark financial days, we need all the confidence that we can get. In the spirit of openness and re-assurance I am adding the "cash reserves" line to this weekly lottery update. It's just the sum of the member balances, and shows how much money the syndicate has in reserve after prize and ticket obligations. You can see that we are cash rich at the moment, and you will see just how close to the wind we are sometimes sailing. I am not regulated or authorised but by the financial services authority, but I can give you my personal assurance that we are unnafected by American sub-prime mortgage backed assets or other "toxic" debt, and that we are using none of our equity to finance operations. I'm keeping running costs down, and have well defined credit control policies.
Richard "investment portfolio" B

Mon 13/10/2008
Richard "recruitment officer" B

Wed 15/10/2008
Richard "think lucky" B

Mon 20/10/2008
Richard "big win next week" B

Mon 27/10/2008
Richard "sixteen times table" B

Mon 03/11/2008
Richard "got to be in it to win it" B

Mon 10/11/2008
Richard "lovely weather for motorcycling" B

Mon 17/11/2008
Richard "fingers crossed for the MOT" B

Wed 19/11/2008
After I made a mistake checking the lottery numbers.
Richard "lessons have been learned" B

Mon 24/11/2008
The week that the lottery results email was sent at coffee time, rather than first thing in the morning.
Richard "late results" B

Mon 01/12/2008
Richard "I never win" B

Tue 09/12/2008
Richard "I should have applied for 'come dine with me'" B

Thu 18/12/2008
Richard "Season of joy and goodwill to all men" B