Slow Tidying

 I've been cleaning my house getting ready to sell it. On Sunday I spent some time "spring" cleaning the kitchen. My more careful cleaning of the knobs in the gas hob led to grimy water getting down inside the mechanism that light the gas. It short circuited and started going haywire. To get the gas hob out you have to first take the oven out. To get to the ignitor you have to completely dismantle the gas hob. This little bit of wiping down led to 4 or 5 hours of difficult, stressful and dirty repair work.

 Richard "having first drained and removed the fuel tank" B

Berbenheimer

 At the weekend I saw "Barbenheimer" in the cinema. We watched "Barbie" and then "Oppenheimer" with a short break in between. I was later told that that's the order a psychopath watches them. I think we chose that order mainly so we could fit lunch into the programme.

Oppenheimer was good, but slightly disappointing. Too long, too noisy, too complicated. I was hoping for this generation's "The Right Stuff" about the Manhattan Project. That section was only about 45 minutes long, the rest of it was a political drama. And it was all told out of order, like a boring "Reservoir Dogs".

"Barbie" was a lot of fun. It was funny and it looked amazing. A lot of people have been talking about whether it's sexist or woke or anti-woke. For my money, those people must have gone into the cinema with wildly over-sensitive sexism detectors. My sacrilege alarm went off way before my sexism alarm ever would have: You've got a real yet unreachable magical realm that is concerned with the wellbeing and development of mortal man. You've got an emissary from there who visits us, is betrayed, is sent back, and then after a short break comes back to Earth. All well and good so far, Christ and Batman are the two origin stories that nobody every stops telling. What I spotted is that She was chief (or at least most angelic) among the angels, so I think that would make her Lucifer. She visited out of selfishness and vanity, not love and duty. When She was caught and her hands were just about to be bound She lost her nerve and ran away. When She returned to Heaven / Barbieland it was to wage war, not to absolve the sins of all mankind.

Wait a minute! Did I just watch a sequel to “Paradise Lost”?

Richard "Milton-Gerwig" B

House Bodging

 I've been tidying up and painting my house ready to sell it. As I know that it will soon no longer be mine, I haven't been doing it very thoroughly. But is it still really bodging if you do a half-arsed job to a very high standard?

This cupboard door is slightly twisted and doesn't close properly.

I made these oaken wedges.

And braced it with an aluminium channel

And it's now pretty straight.

Richard "homes under the hammer" B

Too True

There are certain anti-truths that people tell you because they sound so fantastical, or because they never questioned them when they were told. When I was younger there was a long standing rumour that (80's quizmaster) Bob Holness played the saxophone solo on the song Baker Street. I've been told that (Welsh singer) Duffy is the daughter of (Welsh singer) Shakin' Stevens. I met someone who claimed to have played the swanny whistle part in the song Groove is in the Heart, and to honour him I will sometimes tell people that my father supplied a recording studio with the angry goose that you can hear on the Herb Alpert's song Tijuana Taxi – it's not really a goose, it's a baritone sax, probably played by Bob Holness.

Sometimes I get told something so specific and unlikely that I assume it’s one of these anti-truths:
"The singer La Roux's mum played June Ackland in The Bill."
"I used to know they guy who played (80s TV icon) Roland Rat and he also ran a fetish and leather club."
"Me and my friends developed the Hot Coffee mod for GTA San Andreas and cost Rockstar Games millions of dollars."

This weekend I was told that during the 60's Demmis Roussos was in the same prog rock band as Vangelis.

Richard "Aphrodite's Child" B

To Coin a Phrase

 I was messaging my friend about how I didn't know when I was going to be available and the predictive text came up with such a lovely new phrase that I left it in the message. I told him that my plans were "all up in the air fryer".

Richard "I do most of my proof reading after I hit sned" B

Birthday

 At the weekend I went on my celebratory speed awareness course. I mostly enjoyed it. My luxurious breakfast in the hotel restaurant was spoiled by the presence of two coachfulls of dithering geriatric tourists. The queue took about 10 minutes, and on the three occasions I reached the head of it there was no coffee available. When I complained they instantly gave me a full refund which I took to the coffee shop on the other side of the car park.

 I learned a lot on the course, and I took snacks and fancy napkins for all the participants. There was, however, a point at the beginning of the course where nobody wanted to answer the question about why we thought these courses were being offered. After a conciliatory speech by the instructor about how there were no wrong answers, and how the course would only work if we all got involved I put my hand up. I was then spoken to very harshly, It turns out that there WERE wrong answers and that the course WOULDN'T work if people were negative about it. I had suggested that I was offered the course so that I could be charges £100 instead of the statutory £60 fine.

 Richard "300mm repeater sign" B