Tuesday 11 November 2014


I used to help my friend in Guildford (the one with the wobbly toilet) with DIY in his house. His girlfriend lived there at the time and she was fascinated and incredulous at the names of some of the things in his tool box. Olives, Mole Grips, Cold Chisel, Try square, Tenon Saw... When we proved to her that “Bastard File” is a real thing, and that a welder would use a “Slag Hammer” she would believe literally any name we gave to any tool. We told her that a carpenter's mallet was called a “C**t Mallet” and we kept up the pretence for a couple of years. I think she believed us, and for all I know she still does – at least until she reads this.

Richard “Bush Puller” B

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