Monday 22 August 2022


 I grew up in Plymouth so I'm quite used to dealing with seagulls. I have pretty much never had an ice cream, pasty or sandwich stolen by them. The trick to eating outdoors while they are around is quite simple: Either put your back against a wall, or form a small huddle with your friends. You are responsible for looking at one sector of the sky and when one swoops down, try to grab it. They hate that and they invariably leave. I don't know what would happen if you actually managed to grab a seagull, I don’t believe it has ever happened in the history of human civilisation. I assume that it would crash the simulation that we live in and/or the nature of God would be revealed to humanity.

 I don’t know how much the herring gulls have been studying the development of aircraft fighter manoeuvres during world war two – but it's more than I would have guessed. One of the most important tactics is maintaining or evading visual contact, and now they know all about it.

 It was recommended to me that I should try German Donner Kebab and I did so on a very hot and sunny day. While I was eating this kebab in the street in the city centre a large herring gull dived down directly out of the sun (where I couldn't look) and tried to knock the kebab out of my hand. He made contact with me and the kebab but only a tiny amount of salad fell to the floor. Either they're getting better, or I'm getting worse.

 Richard "BFM" B

No comments:

Post a Comment