Thursday, 4 May 2017

Ullage

I spilled a trail of chicken fat across my lounge carpet, so this weekend I hired a carpet cleaner. Cleaning the carpet meant moving most of the furniture upstairs and that meant tidying up the drinks cabinet.

One of my friends used to go out with a girl who drank Southern Comfort. I've had a half bottle of it left over since my housewarming party. As nobody has drunk it since and as he's been married to someone else for over a decade I decided it was time to throw the bottle away.

Even more out of date and surplus to requirements is the dregs of a bottle of Jamesons Irish Whisky. My longest serving friend and I shared a truly catastrophic hangover in 1992 and this bottle (amongst other drinks) is what did the damage. For me it was certainly in the top 3 all time worst hangovers, but not the winner – I can remember one when I genuinely prayed for the sweet embrace of death rather than endure it any longer. I think this particular hangover might be my friends all time number one. He has barely drunk a drop of spirit since and he wasn't himself for a week.

Neither of us wanted the bottle so I tried to throw it away. Grasping the bottle cap ready to pour it away and the idea that I was just about to smell the whisky made me so nauseous that I couldn't even open it. I've still got the bottle, and our best idea to get rid of it is to bury it in the garden and then move house.

Richard "Rug Doctor Who" B

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