makefile.sh

Let me tell you about my deep, pure and abiding hatred for the Apache Maven build tool.

There is machine code, which tells a microprocessor exactly what to do in terms of bits and addresses.

There are procedural languages in which you tell the computer what to do. You have useful constructs like loops and logic, and named variables to store values.

There are functional languages. I'm oversimplifying it, but generally you tell the computer what value you want and it calculates it for you without any of the grubby details of explaining how it should calculate it. I class SQL as a functional language. In its purest form it has no looping structures and no variables. You tell it what you'd like to know and it decides how to get the relevant data from the disc and how to combine and process it for you. Many are the times that the query planner has come up with a deeply suboptimal order of operations and I've been powerless to persuade it to do it better. You get the right answer, but very slowly.

And then there's Apache Maven, which is supposed to make working on large software projects easier. You tell it where some things are and what you'd like to achieve. It then does what IT THINKS YOU SHOULD HAVE WANTED to do. I've spent far to long this week trying to control what an artifact was called, with persistence and the help of google, Stack Overflow, a very skilled senior engineer and an AI, we've come to the conclusion that no, you just can't do that.

Richard "And the Docs Are Terrible" B

Autotrader

 I don't have many regrets - maybe because I don't have a very good memory – but one thing that sticks with me is a car I didn't buy. In about 2018 When my Caterham was worth around £20k there was a Ginetta G40R for sale at £36k. I don't know where I could have magicked up £16k, and I doubt I'd have had the nerve, but if I did then I'd already own my dream car. It had 4 point harnesses AND inertia reel seatbelts to keep the MOT man happy. It was road legal and already had a number plate. It had fire suppression and a little aircon pack so you could have a working demister, it had a little luggage space and it also had the features that I really really want in a sports car: A roof, and doors with rubber seals.

At the weekend I had breakfast with an old chap who told me a story about when he was courting. His fiancée broke off the engagement and despite his writing to her a couple of times he had no contact at all with her for two months. What he didn't know is that his intended had a network of spies who were keeping close tabs on him. A car came up for sale and the only way he could afford it was if he sold the engagement ring. As soon as he arranged to go to town to sell the ring his fiancée realised that she needed to make a decision quickly. She conveniently reappeared and they reconciled.

What stuck with me about the story is that despite 66 years of marriage and a little while as a widower he remembers a lot about the car he didn't buy. It was a VX4/90. It's a car I'd never heard of, but it's the high performance Vauxhall Victor with a big engine (1.5l), 4 speed all syncro gearbox and two tone paint.

I now understand why the "Vauxhall Elise" was called a VX220 but I fear that I'll be on my death bed and my clearest memory will the Ginetta I didn't buy

Richard "But then again too few to mention" B

Separated by a Common Language

 I've recently picked up a wound on my leg. While it was healing I had to cut back significantly on my drinking because alcohol affects how blood clots. It reminded me of a conversation I had with a very Plymouthian first aider in the back room of a night club. Despite us speaking the same language, we had quite different vocabularies. I don't remember the beginning of the story very well. It was almost 30 years ago, it was well after my bedtime, and I'd drunk a heroic amount.

There was some horseplay with a beer bottle that eventually got broken. I got cut on the hand and bled profusely. Before throwing me out the bouncer took me to a back room where my wound was dressed and details of the accident were written down. Who knew that the nightclub has a duty of care towards all the drunken idiots who paid to come in? I said to the first aider "I don't know why it's bleeding so much, it's not very big". "That's because you've been drinking" "Oh Yes you're right, alcohol is an anticoagulant isn't it?" "I wouldn't know about that love, but it thins the blood."

Richard "sesquipidalian" B

Staff

 I've hurt my leg, and since then, even though I'm not a fit bloke, it's become depressingly clear how much of my recreation is based on exercise. Most weekday evenings I go out for a stroll to relax, get some air, and a little exercise. I go to indoor climbing twice most weeks. That is all on hold while I recover. So what can I do to pass the time? I like mixing and drinking cocktails but alcohol would stop the wound from healing so effectively. I like to cook, but I'm severely constrained in how much I can eat while I'm getting zero exercise. This weekend I set myself a crafting project in the workshop and I loved it. I made a walking stick from a bit of hazel that I cut from my hedge. At one point I had to sharpen a lathe tool so that I could true up the thumbwheel on a rubbishy Chinese spokeshave so I could thin down the stick. My new walking stick has got a knobbly handle, a gentle taper and a steel ferrule, all made at home.

Richard "Mum, I'm bored" B

Skill Issue

 I can think of nowhere I'd rather get injured than the Climbing Hangar in Plymouth. I fell off a climb and gashed up my shin on the way down. I asked for help at the front desk before I went in to shock and was looked after unbelievable well. Three beautiful young women sprang into action as highly trained first aiders while still being caring, compassionate and helpful. The wound was cleaned and dressed. I was laid down when I got faint. They ran around after me picking up my stuff. They got me a sugary drink from the café (jumping the queue, and not charging me) and found me somewhere comfortable to sit while I got my wits back. Their medical assessment was also spot on, they said I should get it checked at the urgent care unit, and it did indeed need to be stitched closed.

Richard "game leg" B

Rake and Trail

 The windscreen wipers on my Fiat Panda judder and creak, even when you fit new wiper blades. My friend (who works in vehicle development) asked the very wise question, why do they judder on old cars, but not new ones? What has deteriorated? On Sunday I spent a fascinating hour in the rain with my car testing different theories and remedies.

 His theory is that the spring that holds the blade down onto the windscreen is weak.

 Some random chap on youtube says that the wiper arm is twisted and that the blade is contacting the windscreen ahead of the arm.

 The advice on the Euro Car Parts website is to change the wiper arms.

 I was interested in the behaviour of the wiper blade. In cross section it's shaped like a Christmas tree and it's supposed to flex at the "trunk" so that it follows behind the arm (kind of like the bristles of a paint brush) .

I didn't have new springs for the wiper arms, but I lubricated and exercised the hinge and the spring attachment points. I also added extra pressure to the wiper arm with my hand. This all affects the nature and frequency of the judder, but it didn’t solve it.

 My theory is clearly wrong because new wiper blades exhibit the same judder, but I cleaned and examined my blades. It made no difference.

 The random guy on youtube is right! My wipers only judder on the way up. I put a little twist in the wiper arm with two adjustable spanners so that the blade was a little bit further behind the arm and they started to work perfectly. My theory is that the arms haven't twisted over the lifetime of the vehicle, but that the hinges have worn asymmetrically and the twist I added to the arms is counteracting that. I think that buying new wiper arms would probably work even better, but cost more.

 Richard "North Plymouth Drizzle Laboratory" B